It’s (somewhat) official:
Hell Roller Is Worse Than
Things…
As a VHS hunter and obscure film watcher, I’ve seen more than my fair share of terrible films. You know the ones: they promise action but all they do is talk, talk, talk, like some kind of nightmarish date, right? I mean, it’s clear why those flicks never made it to DVD: they weren’t worth putting onto VHS in the first place. There’s nothing worse than a boring flick. Be great, be awful, just don’t be boring. However, there are other films that despite having a profusion of action, are still considered virtually unwatchable by most film fans. The awfully bad like
Troll 2,
Shark Attack 3, and the recently re-released on VHS
Things. Now… there’s a new candidate for worst of the worst… its name…
Hell Roller! And those foul-mouthed, VHS-obsessed dudes over at
VHSHITFEST are bringing it to you with their newly constructed fan-edition....
Front cover for VHSHITFEST's fan-edition of HELL ROLLER - dig that DIY flavor!
Shot on VHS with in the early 90s with a just-above-zero budget, it’s billed as being a slasher flick where the killer is paralyzed from the waist down and wheelchair bound. That’s about as much sense as you’re gonna get outta’ this bizarre and nonsensical chunk of trash.
First off, let’s talk about the camera work. As far as I can tell, they only had one VHS tape to shoot on because there are SEVERAL scenes in which the camera guy loses the characters, zooms around and finally finds them. Holy shit, man, why not just do another take?! “Yeah guys, I totally got that one. Second take? Nah… we’re good.” Beyond that it seems they figured the awful mic thoughtfully put onto the camcorder by the manufacturer would be good enough to get by. Trust me, it wasn’t. Good thing most of the actors came from the school that taught the mantra: if you yell loud enough, no one can tell you can’t act. I have to say, though: the lead actor seemed to be trying really hard, possibly to take a dump in the middle of the scene, possibly to entertain us. Either way, all his straining made me tired and I was forced to take a nap after the movie. Or maybe it was more like passing out from the overload of shit my eyes had seen.
But are there any boobies, you ask? Yes, yes there are; and I have no idea how these guys convinced a couple of women that showing off their goods in this chunk o’ trash would be good for their careers. I would have loved to have heard that conversation…. “Yeah, I swear! You’ll be huge! You won’t have to strip anymore, I swear. This is your ticket to the top baby. What? No, everybody is going to be shooting on VHS - just wait. We’re just ahead of the curve. Production quality? Nah, we’re too....modern for that. Yeah… modern!” And they even blow the nudity. I mean, how long can one watch a chick awkwardly dance to music that obviously wasn’t playing when the scene was shot. Didn’t they have boom boxes back then?
What about the gore? Well, how about a scene where a dude on drugs lops off his hand!? What does this have to do with a guy in a wheelchair killing chicks? Nothing! It’s just there. Nearly every kill is off-screen followed by an overly long, poorly shot sequence of close ups on the ketchup sprayed about.
I believe this image speaks for itself...
Hell Roller is mercifully short, clocking in at about 70 minutes and isn’t recommended for solo viewing. It’s meant for large groups, big laughs and confused silence. If you’re like me and you love your awful flicks, head over to
VHShitfest.com and order yourself a copy of this nearly impossible to find flick. It’s a stupid cheap donation, and it's yours. Also grab a copy of their limited fan-edition of Gore-Met Zombie Chef From Hell, ‘cause that’s super-bitchin’, as well. Check it out below!
VHSHITFEST's fan edition replete with re-done covers, a video review and a mini-remake of the flick! Too groovy!
Uncouth
Ed'sNOTE: These are fan editions of these releases, so VHSHITFEST is asking that you make a donation to them if you want a copy. For more info on how to grab these awfully bad SOV trashterpieces, get your booty on over to VHSHITFEST.com and tell 'em Lunchmeat said stay groovy.
Front cover for VHSHITFEST's fan-edition of HELL ROLLER - dig that DIY flavor!
I believe this image speaks for itself...
VHSHITFEST's fan edition replete with re-done covers, a video review and a mini-remake of the flick! Too groovy!