IT IS THE HALL-O-WEEN TIMES, MANNNN!!! So, Hunker On Down for some Halloween Home Video Howls Sure to Delight Fans of Festive Fright! DIG IT!
It’s that time of year, Tapeheads! The echoing sounds of crunching candy, shrieks of sugar-soaked ecstasy, the sweet scent of plastic skeletons and an army of other distinct seasonal delights all signal that All Hallows Eve is knocking on our door. And in light of all the festive fright, I’ve gathered up a groovy goodie bag of Halloween tape treats that’ll rot your brain and stick to your teeth. In a good way, man!
Now, we all know most folks have got some serious mainstays when it comes to the token Halloween-O-Rama Movie Marathon Spooktacular : you’ve got your HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH, your TRICK OR TREAT, some are in the mood for a HELL NIGHT, booger-eating trolls and bodacious dudes usually go for ERNEST SCARED STUPID and some may even reach for the nostalgiarific HOCUS POCUS or 80s HBO go-to ONCE BITTEN depending on one’s inclination toward a not-so-horrific Halloween watch. But in the diggin’ deep for new stuff to peep spirit of LUNCHMEAT, we’re daring you to doorbell ditch those magnetic mainstays and inject some new blood into your home video hauntings. Pass the Reese’s Cups and candy corn soda, man, ‘cause we’re about to dig into some serious Halloween hoots ready to be put into your ritualistic rotation….
See?! Even Ray himself approved! THIS MOVIE IS PURE HALLOWEEN HEROICS.
THE HALLOWEEN TREE (1993) Here in LUNCHMEAT land, we love Ray Bradbury. His stories are infinitely amazing and filled with that heartfelt human understanding and spirit that only he can capture. If you’re unfamiliar, I implore to reach for his stories. Once you do, you’ll never forget them. And perhaps one of his most unforgettable tales is The Halloween Tree as it spins you into a world of dreams and nightmares, careening through space and time with the mysterious Mr. Moundshroud (voiced by Leonard Nimoy!) as he teaches the true meaning of Halloween. Hanna-Barbara translated this magnificent tale into a cartoon feature to abundantly enjoyable results. If you’re in the mood for some magical Halloween-oriented animation, this one’s gonna be hard to beat, Tapeheads. It's now on DVD, but just makes the tape that much cooler. Go and gets it, I tell ya!
You'll slice! You'll dice! YOU'LL PAY FULL PRICE!
WILL VINTON’S CLAYMATION COMEDY OF HORRORS (1991) What’s that you say? You want some more kiddie classic stuff that still holds up after all these years? I got you, man! Will Vinton is widely known for his amazing animated talents, and his CLAYMATION COMEDY OF HORRORS is no exception, indeed. This particular seasonal short won him an Outstanding Individual Achievement in Animation Emmy in 1991, and has continued to delight kids of all ages ever since. It’s horror homage-filled storyline, zany cast of lovable characters and its amazingly intricate and clever Claymation design will have you howling for more. Once you chew through this Halloween special, be sure to check out Will Vinton’s other work. You’re sure to ani-mazed.
What?! What'd ya say?! I can't hear you with this bag on!
TRICK OR TREATS (1982) Here’s a Halloween flick that gets panned by most movie munchers, mainly for its soggy pacing and rehashed storyline; but beyond the snores and bores of this obscure early 80s slasher, its outrageously entertaining trickster kid character (precociously played by Chris Graver ) and the undeniably spot-on 80s Halloween vibe, this one’s got enough chuckle-inducing one-liners and candy coated kills to appease your low-budget Halloween needs. This one’s still analog only, so you know it’s got that LUNCHMEAT stamp o’ approval… if only for the chubby kid with the severed thumb up his sleeve. SUUUUUCKKKKERRRRRRRRR!
Only Satanists don't wear shoes!! Whose broom is that?! PAGAN!!!
PAGAN INVASION Presents HALLOWEEN: TRICK OR TREAT? (198?) What’s Halloween without a little ridiculous Christian scare flick, huh?! This is one of the best, featuring dubious details about our favorite haunted holiday complete with scenes from Wiccan rituals (which are more inspirational than inflammatory), newspaper headlines of ritual killings connected to black cats and interviews with former Satanists who talk of bloodshed and barbaric debauchery on All Hallows Ever. It’s radical stuff, man! Ultimately, this is a highly laughable effort to vilify an otherwise harmless holiday littered with horrendous 3D animation and abounding with unbelievable opinions . Pick this one up for some absolutely insane religious rubbish. Remember, kiddies: candy and Christians don’t mix!
Just like me, huh? THIS ought to be interesting.
WACKO (1982) Here’s one that I’ll shout from the roof-top-loaders till my last rewind, man. Directed by low-budget brainiac Greydon Clark (JOYSTICKS, WITHOUT WARNING), this is one Halloween horror spoof you NEED to see to be fully Octoberfied, man. This slab o’ Samhain silliness includes a pumpkin-headed lawnmower killer, Andrew Dice Clay in his first role doing an insano a cappella number and severed limbs aplenty, all stitched together with groovy performances from Joe Don Baker and genre favorite George Kennedy. And if that ain’t enough, there’s buckets of pokes and nods to horror classics such as THE OMEN, HALLOWEEN, POLTERGEIST and THE EXORCIST. Better feed this one to your VCR before it eats you instead!
Don't change the channel, mang! THIS IS IT!
WNUF HALLOWEEN SPECIAL (1987 / 2013) Director Chris LaMartina has unearthed what is perhaps the ultimate love note to all things Halloween with his recent found footage faceblaster. Rumored to be originally broadcast on Halloween Night in 1987, WNUF hurls you through a cable access catastrophe as the highly haunted Webber house is explored by a cast of cooky characters and an apprehensive audience. LaMartina’s immense talent is on constant display here, magically warping you into another world of Halloween nostalgia with impeccable atmosphere, pumpkin puns aplenty and faux-vintage commercials that’ll have you searching the yellow book from 30 years ago to see if these places actually existed… and if they have t-shirts. Trust me: once you’ve experienced WNUF, it’ll be haunting your Halloween movie marathons for aeons to come.
THE BEST SCAREDY CATS OF ALL-TIME!
SKELETON DANCE (1929) And just for good measure, no movie spooktacular is complete without the one most old-school and obligatory Halloween-themed piece of entertainment out there. Not much to say about this one that hasn’t been told before other than if you haven’t seen it, WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!But the time grows nearer, my fellow Videovores, for me to costumize myself and ingest mass quantities of candy and cola to energize me for a night of once-a-year celebration and common interest camaraderie. All I can wish is that this list offers you some new treats for your Halloween feats, and that you embrace this night with utter exhilaration and find yourself surrounded by the ones you love, all dressed up in faces no one knows. Halloween comes but once a year, but the spirit never goes.
Groove and Groove and EAT SUGARY FOODS!
Josh Schafer